Sheila Bender’s Writing It Real

It’s my pleasure today to share Sheila Bender’s Writing It Real substack. This week’s podcast features a trio of poets, Lillo Way, Lisa Ashley, and me.

https://sheilabender.substack.com

Sheila does a great job introducing us on the podcast, but if you don’t already know all about Sheila Bender, you should. She is the author of numerous books—poetry, nonfiction, and writing instruction that really gets down to the business of being a creator. A few years back, her Sorrow’s Words: Writing Exercises to Heal Grief played a crucial role for me in healing my own grief (and I think I need to reread it). I don’t have a copy of her newest poetry book, Since Then, but am happy to put in a recommendation for her Collected Poems, 1980-2013, Behind Us the Way Grows Wider. She teaches writing, including opportunities for writing abroad in 2026. I encourage you to take a look at her substack, or her Writing It Real archive, at https://writingitreal.com/#

Bethany

Emily Dickinson and the Mystery of the 40 Fascicles

This post was supposed to go up on Halloween, but let’s settle for Day of the Dead. In short, I’m preparing to teach another Creative Retirement Institute course on Emily Dickinson, this one titled “Emily Dickinson and the Mystery of the 40 Fascicles,” which to my mind has a nice Arabian Nights or maybe Nancy Drew vibe to it. As you might guess, one of our objects will be to discuss the poems in the context of the fascicles, including this poem, “One need not be a chamber – to be Haunted – ” which is found in Fascicle Twenty.

Read to the end of the post (or skip down there) to see more information about the course.

One need not be a chamber – to be Haunted –
One need not be a House –
The Brain – has Corridors surpassing
Material Place –                                              Corporeal [Place – ]

Far safer of a Midnight – meeting
Eternal Ghost –
Than an Interior – confronting –
That cooler – Host –                                       That Whiter Host.

Far safer, through an Abbey – gallop –
The Stones a’ chase –
Than moonless – One’s A’self encounter –
In lonesome place –

Ourself – behind Ourself – Concealed –
Should startle – most –
Assassin – hid in Our Apartment –
Be Horror’s least –

The Prudent – carries a Revolver –                The Body [carries] the
He bolts the Door –
O’erlooking a Superior Spectre –
More near –

—Emily Dickinson,  c. Autumn 1862

(Miller, p. 217)

You can listen to me read our haunted poem here:

 

I want to fill in some background for where my ideas for this course originated.

from emilydickinsonmuseum.org

Two years ago, I was invited to audit Professor Cristanne Miller’s U of Buffalo graduate seminar focusing on the, at that time, not-yet-released Letters of Emily Dickinson—the first new edition in 70 years, much needed—edited by Miller and Domnhall Mitchell.

I attended the class via Zoom, of course, and my anonymity allowed me to resist buying one more edition of Dickinson’s poems. I got by with Thomas H. Johnson’s 1971 one-volume Selected Letters, his 1961 one-volume Complete Poems of Emily Dickinson, and Ralph Franklin’s 1999 reader’s edition, The Poems of Emily Dickinson. All of which were already on my big shelf of Dickinson books. After the seminar ended, convinced of their necessity, I bought both the poems and the letters.

I want to emphasize this: An important feature of Emily Dickinson’s Poems: As She Preserved Them, also edited by Miller, is contained in the subtitle. We can, finally, in a one-volume, reader’s edition, see Dickinson’s fascicles, the little booklets into which she arranged her poems from 1858 to 1865. Dickinson’s variant words, too (see margin notes) are included in this edition.

After these gorgeous new editions sat on my shelf for several months, it occurred to me that I might actually read them.

From there I conceived of a project called “My Year of Reading Dickinson.” Last November, before my year officially began, I told my friend, poet and scholar Jayne Marek, that I had no idea what it should look like. Though I hoped to share the project in some fashion, it felt lumpy and shapeless. Jayne suggested that I just put my boots on and get started. “Read for a few months or the whole year, then decide what it is.”

As you know, this past year a bunch of other stuff took over much space in my haunted brain, but even on the absolute worst days, I have picked up the letters and read a page or two, and I have read at least a few poems—usually more. Because I get up at dark-thirty and my husband rises at 8:00, I had time for this. (More than once I’ve awakened at midnight, realized I hadn’t done my pages, and got out of bed to do so.) I can now report that I’ve finished both volumes, and am circling back to reread and make more notes.

Speaking of that long shelf of books about E. D., I have also tried to keep a biography or critical work going on the side. And I have shared a little. Last winter’s Creative Retirement Institute course on Dickinson, for instance. I will share more, though I’m still not sure what that sharing will look like. Blog posts? A new blog, dedicated to Dickinson? Or will I venture into the Substack world? For now, I’ll be pouring a lot into the class, and mining the discussion for possibilities.

So all that blather, only to circle back to the beginning of the post. I’d love to see you join us for the CRI course. It’s on Zoom and runs 4 Tuesdays, 2 hours per class, beginning November 18. Jump straight to the course from the above link, or check out CRI’s catalog here.

 

What I’m Reading Now

THE OCEAN CANNOT BE BLUE, POEMS by Kirsten Hampton. Turning Point, 2019, www.turningpointbooks.com.

Detail from “One Drop” Rule

If there is         one

emerald         anchovy

darting in         the water

the ocean        cannot be blue

— Kirsten Hampton, The Ocean Cannot Be Blue

In truth, I read this book a while back — within days of a lovely afternoon tea when the author signed a copy and gifted it to me. This morning I’m rereading and appreciating the poems again for their agile wisdom, complexity, and artistry.

The Ocean Cannot Be Blue is comprised of 49 poems, some of which are in numbered parts that could stand alone, some of which are letters from the historic court case, Loving v. Virginia (1967), in which the Supreme Court ruled that laws banning interracial marriage violate the 14th amendment. With this story as its spine, the book offers a lens into history, but also into the poet’s own marriage, and to all the ways families weave themselves together. One poem is about a whale displayed in the Caroline County Visitor Center (“Excavated 1991, 14 million years old”), and, later, these lines: “She is a case closed, / then reopened, / in a quarry — / of chance find” where excavating a whale suddenly speaks to the precedent found to reopen the Loving case. One poem is a 2-page lexicon delineating the 1960s. How does it all work together? One word that comes to mind is an artist’s word: chiaroscuro. Dark and light dance together throughout this compelling collection. On a beach walk, “the sleeve of sunset” leads to these lines, running down the center of the page, like vertebrae:

Then darkness

then darkness

reveals

how seeing

outward

becomes the same

as looking

within

The poems and the stories unfold in layers. Water is another theme running all the way through the book, from the gorgeous cover art and the title of the collection to beaches, rivers, the Chesapeake bay, blood, watercolor paintings. In one poem, “Portrait” — “Backwash, sea rise, tidal range, / groundwater” — the poem overflows with salt water that reshape a continent as human events reshape a country.

And this poem:

Women of the Chesapeake

for Mildred Loving

Each heart
an estuary
aorta and vein
riverine channels
cells and platelets
circulate
as though drum
and stripers
saltwater churns with fresh
in beat with the inlet sea

Now the chambers
of my heart
fill more slowly
rise
with systolic tide
your body
lies low
in the aquifer
memory of you
runs in the watershed

— Kirsten Hampton, The Ocean Cannot Be Blue

If I hadn’t already pushed toward violating copyright laws, I would include “Letter To My Daughters” which makes crystal clear the ways the Loving story and other threads — particularly her artist mother — illuminate the poet’s life.

By the way, you can find five more poems by Kirsten Hampton at Beltway Poetry Quarterly.

I don’t feel I have done the book justice, so I’ll end by saying simply that I wasn’t merely impressed by it, didn’t merely marvel at its amazing composition, I really loved it, and recommend it to you.

photo by B Reid

Breaking and Entering

After such a long dry spell, it’s a bit like breaking and entering to write here.

my writing cabin, around the time of my last post

On September 1, Bruce’s and my 40th anniversary, I tried to write a post to update you about my journey, but after I drafted it, I couldn’t bring myself to hit “publish.” Today, though I have some announcements or could write a review, it doesn’t seem fair to not share what’s been going on. Especially after taking a look at earlier posts, and your generous and encouraging comments.

So, here goes.

After three EMS (emergency services) visits to our house in two days, on the evening of August 4 my husband was admitted to the hospital for observation. From there it was decided that he was not safe at our house and must move to a care home. (Not quite that simple, as a return to the hospital for a second full week became necessary.) He does not believe there is anything wrong with him, mentally or physically, so the transfers from place to place were…rocky. I’ve had other hard times, but those were times when I had a partner to weather them with me. These past six weeks have been the most emotionally tumultuous of my life.

What precipitated them was my husband’s decision in mid-July to install a new toilet in the small bathroom adjoining the master bedroom. My efforts to dissuade him came to nothing.

He found a toilet for $15 at the Habitat for Humanity store. When he brought it home, I tried to tell him he couldn’t do it, but we could hire a plumber. He insisted that it’s a job he’s done many times in the past, and of course he could do it easily. One of our daughters said, “Don’t worry, Mom, I’ll help him.” Mid-way through, she had no idea how to proceed (and could see that he hadn’t either), and a family friend was called. He came over immediately and helped set the toilet in place. My husband, however, wasn’t satisfied. It didn’t “look right.” For the next two weeks he proceeded to destroy the bathroom. Complicated to explain, but one result was a serious leak. The other result was that he fell apart, hence the 911 calls. I’m pretty sure that this year I have met every EMT in South Snohomish County.

Lynndale Park trail

On September 1, the aforementioned anniversary, a mitigation company crew spent two hours tearing up the flooring in the bathroom. The next day they returned to pull out the flange, wallboard, and shower. Also the ceiling and some wallboard downstairs. We were referred to a local contractor, and they helped us with an insurance claim, which was successful. Every step of this has been new territory for me, on a steep, uphill path. If I hadn’t had good friends calling me morning and night, “This is a welfare check,” I’m not sure I would have survived.

What seems clear is that this is a new chapter, for my husband and for me. Frankly, I’m still not sure what the book is about.  Whatever our marriage was these past five or six years of decline—and sometimes it was good—this has been freakishly hard.

The big task ahead of me is, well, to grieve, but also to let go of the guilt and shame I’ve been feeling. My husband, who did not want me to take care of him, not even small things like helping with medications, is now receiving an appropriate level of care; he is in a clean, orderly place with activities and walking paths and a private bedroom with 1/2 bath (and no tools).

Side note: If you are young enough, invest in long-term care insurance now; I wish we had.

Bruce, on move-in day (his three daughters and two of their boyfriends moved furniture and decorated for him, and two were there to greet him)

I am happy to report that, after three weeks of being in one place, Bruce is acting somewhat settled. Our daughters, his older brother, and I have visited him. Things are feeling a little more doable.

Yes, I am still writing. Maybe not “finishing” work, but scribbling plenty. In fact, I have a new review posted at Escape Into Life. (Click on the link to go there.)

Also, I have a new freedom to get out of the house and do readings (no “dad-sitters” to negotiate). Thus I have a reading on October 9 at Eagle Harbor Books on Bainbridge Island, and would of course love to see you there.

I’ll share one title I’ve been reading: Art Heals. (Shaun McNiff). 

Thank you for hanging in there with me.